Communicare

I started working in Communicare in May 2003.   I have worked there for nearly 10 years and during that time developed a massive passion for my job and have enjoyed every minute of working there.  Today, due to government funding cuts, Communicare is closing.

They say as one door closes another one opens and for most of us in Communicare this is true.  We have all been lucky enough to have made choices that have enabled us to move on positively from this quite harrowing situation.  But, it amazes me how much a part of my life Communicare has become.

I realised that you  spend more time with your work colleagues than you do your own family.  And considering the long shifts that we all  worked , for the majority, we all got on and we all became members of an extended family.   My Communicare family saw me through the births of my children, a messy divorce, bereavement, meeting Jurgen, having more children, weddings...and the list goes on.   They have all worked harder to cover my maternity leave, we have all covered shifts due to annual leave and sickness and we all did it, mostly, with a smile.

I am immensely proud that I made the decision to work in Communicare and that my path has crossed with such great people.  In my opinion your life is predetermined and I was meant to meet these people and they all were meant to have an impact on my life.  I have laughed with you all, sometimes hysterically.  I have cried with some of you.  I have had the hump with many of you.  But you are all my friends and I shall miss each and every one of you.

Today our new lives begin and I want to wish everyone the best of luck in whatever path they have chosen.  Communicare will be greatly missed, as the service we provided was first class and an essential part of the community.  Its a dreadful shame that this little known government funding cut will truly effect the lives of so many.

Tonight, we will drink, all together, for the first time.   I will raise a glass to Communicare and remember with fondness my life for the last ten years.  Its a scary thought, that I won't have my confort blanket of Communicare to see me through my next job but hopefully by the end of the night I will be too drunk to care!

It has been a pleasure ladies.  And I , for one, will be shedding a few tears today because it truly is the end of an era.

Glow

I am massive football fan, have supported Arsenal since I was knee high and, although very much an armchair supporter, I love it.  

With Euro 2012 in full swing and football on the TV every day I am currently living the dream.  I genuinely love nothing more when England are playing than getting the whole family around the TV.  We have a few beers and then continue to scream in both frustration and delight  for the entire match.

Granted, my daughter sits with a bemused expression.   Roman & Mattias  scream when I scream, enjoying being able to make that amount of noise without being told off.   Connor doesn't make a sound as he is so laid back he is horizontal and Arlo looks around the room wide eyed but appearing to love the commotion.   It brings a real sense of unity.  I love it.

There is no doubt, national sporting events bring people together.  Even if you don't particularly like the sport.  I became a cricket fanatic when England won the Ashes.  I had never watched it before or since, but I was a cricket expert for the whole time we were winning...  When England won the Rugby World Cup in 2003 I was, again, a fanatical supporter when, to be honest, I loathe the game and have absolutely no idea what is going on.

We are a country crazed with unity when events such as these occur.  I was overwhelmed with how many people turned out for the Queens Jubilee recently.  I was chatting with my mum about it and whilst watching the Jubilee concert on TV we remarked how in all that rain, we couldn't have been arsed to go to London and participate.  Good job that not everyone feels like we do.  The turn out was spectacular.  The sense of unity, amazing.  All for our Queen.  All for being British.

We are celebrating the Olympics in London this year.  And as much as the tax payer has hemorrhaged money to provide this, it will unite our country and make the world a happier place, even if only for a short while.

In a country wracked with financial crisis, unemployment and stark living conditions we still manage to become "one" and enjoy the hell out of a "do" in that great British tradition.


So, tonight, as England face the Ukraine, and wierdly "Roo" mania goes through the roof, get behind our boys.  Even if you hate footie.  Just try it.

Because, like me, it just might give you a little warm glow...

Aches

I have excruciating back pain this week.   I think I developed said back pain camping at the weekend and  sleeping on an air bed.   Its been so bad  that I have been eating pain killers like sweets and shuffling and wincing like an old person.

It made me realise that, regrettably, I am not getting any younger.  

Thats depressing isn't it?

 I remember back in the day when I would go out down the pub, get a bit tipsy and end up sleeping half standing, half slumped on the floor of an overcrowded mates bedroom, get up the next day slightly hungover but still able to do back flips all the way home.   Those days are well and truly over.  I never thought I would see the day when I had no choice but to be anxious about not having  a comfortable mattress so as not to get back ache and not having three pillows so as not to get neck ache.....the list goes on...

I need a new sofa as my current corner unit doesn't allow me to look directly at my wall mounted TV causing me to ache when I get up due to the position I have to sit to see the bloody telly.  

My knees hurt walking up stairs.  Not massively painfully but I am aware that they are groaning, carrying my body weight around and begging for me to sit down again.     The sudden realisation that these conditions are never going to really improve but slowly get progressively worse as I continue to age.  I am never again going to be that back flipping girl.

Its Mattias's birthday today and when you watch your children get older, all the time so excited about reaching the next milestone I want to sit them down and selfishly tell them about their future aching knees....

Its true when you are young, getting older is all you want to do.   But, when you are old getting older is not quite so exciting...

So,  I will shuffle around today organising things for Mattias to enjoy and take him out for his birthday meal  because as much as getting older in your body is not fun,  life becomes more fun the older I get.   I may not be able to back flip but I can always smile and laugh no matter how old I am.

Who'da thought that all that typing would make my fingers ache...

Blink

It is not often in life that events occur that really make you stop, think and take stock. 

 An event has occurred in our lives this week that have made us do exactly that. 

One of Jurgen's close friends unexpectedly but peacefully passed away this week leaving us both in a state of total shock.   She wasn't particularly unwell or vulnerable but went to sleep and never woke up.  What a beautiful way to embark on your next journey into the afterlife but what a trail of devastation is left behind.

Jurgen has been destroyed by this news and is doing all he can to get his head around it but it throws up questions that can't be answered, confusion and despair.  But most importantly it makes you reevaluate all that you have.  

We have talked and talked this week, since it happened, about death and the implications that it has on everyone.   Fundamentally we are all born to die but it is the approach of the unknown that is terrifying to us all.  

Are you ever afraid not to die?   To be honest I am more afraid of leaving Jurgen and my children behind.   God, who would do the bloody washing up...

Everyone always says after the death of a loved one "life is too short"  or "live each day to the full" .   Its not easy though, is it?    Life is sometimes mundane and repetitive and no matter how much you chant these mantra's it's way too easy to lose sight of the fact that today could be your last day gracing the planet. 

 I find myself analysing this way too much and more so this week.  

Jurgen and I spend every waking moment together when we are not at work.  Seriously.   We shop together.  We socialise together.  We spend every weekend together.   We don't go out anywhere without the other unless we are going to work.   What if tomorrow that was all to change? 

I am over obsessive about money.  I never spend anything I don't have.  I know exactly how much money I have and how much money I have to pay out.  I never pay bills late and I am never frivolous.  Why not?   Why can't I relax more because you can't take it with you!  There are a million and one reasons, aren't there, to live each day as if it was your last and maybe it's time I started taking that slightly more seriously.

So as a new years resolution starting half way through the year,  I am going to try.  I am going to try and relax a bit more.  Enjoy what I have as opposed to fretting about things that I can do nothing to change.  This week, I am going to appreciate Jurgen a lot more.  He is good to me.  Really good.  I need to let him know that I am aware how good he is.   I am going to appreciate my children for being the untidy, noisy, mischievous little darlings they are as opposed to letting those aforementioned traits wind me up into a frenzy.   Because life is too short.

And in the blink of an eye it can all so seriously change...