Blink

It is not often in life that events occur that really make you stop, think and take stock. 

 An event has occurred in our lives this week that have made us do exactly that. 

One of Jurgen's close friends unexpectedly but peacefully passed away this week leaving us both in a state of total shock.   She wasn't particularly unwell or vulnerable but went to sleep and never woke up.  What a beautiful way to embark on your next journey into the afterlife but what a trail of devastation is left behind.

Jurgen has been destroyed by this news and is doing all he can to get his head around it but it throws up questions that can't be answered, confusion and despair.  But most importantly it makes you reevaluate all that you have.  

We have talked and talked this week, since it happened, about death and the implications that it has on everyone.   Fundamentally we are all born to die but it is the approach of the unknown that is terrifying to us all.  

Are you ever afraid not to die?   To be honest I am more afraid of leaving Jurgen and my children behind.   God, who would do the bloody washing up...

Everyone always says after the death of a loved one "life is too short"  or "live each day to the full" .   Its not easy though, is it?    Life is sometimes mundane and repetitive and no matter how much you chant these mantra's it's way too easy to lose sight of the fact that today could be your last day gracing the planet. 

 I find myself analysing this way too much and more so this week.  

Jurgen and I spend every waking moment together when we are not at work.  Seriously.   We shop together.  We socialise together.  We spend every weekend together.   We don't go out anywhere without the other unless we are going to work.   What if tomorrow that was all to change? 

I am over obsessive about money.  I never spend anything I don't have.  I know exactly how much money I have and how much money I have to pay out.  I never pay bills late and I am never frivolous.  Why not?   Why can't I relax more because you can't take it with you!  There are a million and one reasons, aren't there, to live each day as if it was your last and maybe it's time I started taking that slightly more seriously.

So as a new years resolution starting half way through the year,  I am going to try.  I am going to try and relax a bit more.  Enjoy what I have as opposed to fretting about things that I can do nothing to change.  This week, I am going to appreciate Jurgen a lot more.  He is good to me.  Really good.  I need to let him know that I am aware how good he is.   I am going to appreciate my children for being the untidy, noisy, mischievous little darlings they are as opposed to letting those aforementioned traits wind me up into a frenzy.   Because life is too short.

And in the blink of an eye it can all so seriously change...