Yesterday, we were out in the car. Me, Jurgen and Baby Arlo.
(for Basingstokers)
We were driving towards the Winchester Road roundabout. We wanted to go B & Q way so were on the inside lane. A car approached the roundabout on the outside lane. We both pulled away together. This driver did try and cave the side of our car in just to get in front of us but wasn't going fast enough. We went around the roundabout neck and neck. We indicated left to pull over to the dual carriageway by B & Q and........
this car continued going right, all the way around the roundabout on the outside nearly caving the side of her own car in with our bull bars. To avoid a heavy collision Jurgen had no choice but to continue right (not where we wanted to be going) and soon we were heading Morrisons way with absolutely no clue as to why.
As I was looking at the driver in disbelief at this amazing show of THE most dangerous driving I have ever witnessed. Do you know what she did? Did she put her hand up in a show of sorry? Did she sheepishly look down with shame at the admittance of her shit driving? Did she buggery.. she actually stuck her fingers up at me. Lots. And lots. She was effing and blinding at ME with this beautiful gesture of finger fury.
I. Nearly. Had. A. Coronary.
Then I had to refrain with every will that I had not to cave in the side of her car and drive her into the nearest ditch.
The rage I was experiencing was "red haze" inducing.
We all make mistakes, right? We are all human. I get it. But when we do make mistakes why on earth can't we just say sorry?
Why is "sorry" the hardest word in the world to say? Admittedly, I find it difficult. Its not a word I say easily. But, if I am wrong I will admit I am. When an apology is due I will give it, because you just should.
It amazes me how many people don't say it. How many people saunter through life leaving a trail of destruction behind them and never realise that they are wrong. Or that a "sorry" would make all the pain go away.
I have always taught my children right from wrong. I mean you wouldn't think it good parenting if your children regularly used the "f" word in public, right? But its not considered bad parenting if you do not teach your children to say sorry?
And this is where it should start. Childhood. We need to teach our children to have more manners. To know right from wrong but to be readily able to admit that they are wrong, when they are.
I loathe bad manners. I loathe those who are not big enough to say "sorry". And I think its everything that is wrong with society today.
The world would be a nicer place if people were more polite. Had more acceptance for their faults, and more tolerant of others. And just because you don't like a person it doesn't mean you are exempt from apologising. In fact, this is when you should say it more. I have had loads of crap thrown at me over the years, and never an apology in site. I have also thrown loads of crap but when I get it wrong an apology is never far behind.
The word "sorry" can dispel anger in a flash. Its that simple. When you have someone ranting and raving at you the simple act of saying "sorry" can stop that person dead in their tracks...
That's because not enough people say it. Not enough people apologise. And so when someone does, its astounding....
That's not how it should be. It should be common place for you to say sorry when you are wrong.
Try and remember that, because in my quest to change the world I want people to say sorry a lot more...... oh, and also indicate on mini roundabouts....
Sunday, 16 February 2014
Friday, 14 February 2014
Perfect
Its Valentines day. Also my wedding anniversary. 6 years ago today I was married on an exotic beach in Mauritius. With a bloke in my line of vision wearing tight speedo's...
This morning Skye gave us an anniversary card which read
"To Jurgen and mum
Congratulations on another year of perfect marriage
Love Always Skye"
I was really touched by this. And it struck a chord. .
I suddenly realised that its important, isn't it? It's important that your children realise that there is a right way to have a relationship.
When I was growing up I was in awe of my mum and dad. Their relationship was the epitome of normal to me. They both worked really hard, had no social life to speak of but saved hard and took us on foreign holidays every year. I don't think you realise as a child that you shape your thoughts around your future on what you know as a child.
I always wanted what my mum and dad had. The closeness, the intimacy, the friendship. But I never had that with my first husband. (And these comments are not an injustice to him as anyone who knows me knows that we were good mates when he died. We tried, but we were just not suited that way.)
But now? I have all that. Jurgen is my best friend. We are really good friends. We work hard, save hard, we don't party hard and we are fortunate enough to go on holiday most years.
We are really "family" orientated and think nothing is better than a walk with the children and the dog up the farm on the weekend. As long as we are all together.
We start a Monday morning telling each other we can't wait for the weekend when we can spend some time together. Its how our lives are. And I finally have what I have always wanted. And now my children realise that this is good. This is how it SHOULD be and this is what I want them to aspire to have.
I have been told that I am blind to Jurgen's faults. And there is nothing worse than those who are too blind to see. I have (embarrassingly) been psycho analysed to tell me that everything I have is based on a lie.
I am not stupid. I am not blind. I have never been more perfectly sighted.
He treats me like a princess, even when the majority of the time I am a pain in the arse to be married to. I am moody, opinionated, always right.... the list goes on. But he is the other half of me. He calms me when I am angry. He listens to me when I need him to. He advises me when I can't work it out for myself. He comforts me when I am sad and reasons with me when I am shouty. He knows me like no other and he can finish my sentences for me.
He also has massive bunches of red roses delivered to my work to remind me that he loves me.
We argue. Of course we do. But its not punchy, fighty arguments. It may be shouty but that's usually my big gob. But there is no abuse. No violence. There is nothing that I do not want my children to see. Its just how we are.
Skye is my only daughter and protectively I want to shield her from every arsehole out there. And I am sure there are many. But there are also the good guys. There are also the ones who want to give you everything and make sure that your life is happy.
But, after a shaky start, I want her to see that you shouldn't settle. You shouldn't be anything but a princess (prince) in the eyes of your other half. And if they treat you any less then kick their arse out. And if you are the one that leaves, that doesn't mean its because you are the victim. It means that you realise, that together, you are equally as shit as each other.
I am sure that my marriage isn't everyone's idea of "perfect". I am sure that there are many that think we are too clingy. That we don't have our own freedoms. That we need to "get out more". But that it fine.
Because it's PERFECT for me. And if I teach my daughter anything. Its to never settle for anything less than your ideal of perfect... and YOU get to choose what is perfect. Every. Single. Time.
This morning Skye gave us an anniversary card which read
"To Jurgen and mum
Congratulations on another year of perfect marriage
Love Always Skye"
I was really touched by this. And it struck a chord. .
I suddenly realised that its important, isn't it? It's important that your children realise that there is a right way to have a relationship.
When I was growing up I was in awe of my mum and dad. Their relationship was the epitome of normal to me. They both worked really hard, had no social life to speak of but saved hard and took us on foreign holidays every year. I don't think you realise as a child that you shape your thoughts around your future on what you know as a child.
I always wanted what my mum and dad had. The closeness, the intimacy, the friendship. But I never had that with my first husband. (And these comments are not an injustice to him as anyone who knows me knows that we were good mates when he died. We tried, but we were just not suited that way.)
But now? I have all that. Jurgen is my best friend. We are really good friends. We work hard, save hard, we don't party hard and we are fortunate enough to go on holiday most years.
We are really "family" orientated and think nothing is better than a walk with the children and the dog up the farm on the weekend. As long as we are all together.
We start a Monday morning telling each other we can't wait for the weekend when we can spend some time together. Its how our lives are. And I finally have what I have always wanted. And now my children realise that this is good. This is how it SHOULD be and this is what I want them to aspire to have.
I have been told that I am blind to Jurgen's faults. And there is nothing worse than those who are too blind to see. I have (embarrassingly) been psycho analysed to tell me that everything I have is based on a lie.
I am not stupid. I am not blind. I have never been more perfectly sighted.
He treats me like a princess, even when the majority of the time I am a pain in the arse to be married to. I am moody, opinionated, always right.... the list goes on. But he is the other half of me. He calms me when I am angry. He listens to me when I need him to. He advises me when I can't work it out for myself. He comforts me when I am sad and reasons with me when I am shouty. He knows me like no other and he can finish my sentences for me.
He also has massive bunches of red roses delivered to my work to remind me that he loves me.
We argue. Of course we do. But its not punchy, fighty arguments. It may be shouty but that's usually my big gob. But there is no abuse. No violence. There is nothing that I do not want my children to see. Its just how we are.
Skye is my only daughter and protectively I want to shield her from every arsehole out there. And I am sure there are many. But there are also the good guys. There are also the ones who want to give you everything and make sure that your life is happy.
But, after a shaky start, I want her to see that you shouldn't settle. You shouldn't be anything but a princess (prince) in the eyes of your other half. And if they treat you any less then kick their arse out. And if you are the one that leaves, that doesn't mean its because you are the victim. It means that you realise, that together, you are equally as shit as each other.
I am sure that my marriage isn't everyone's idea of "perfect". I am sure that there are many that think we are too clingy. That we don't have our own freedoms. That we need to "get out more". But that it fine.
Because it's PERFECT for me. And if I teach my daughter anything. Its to never settle for anything less than your ideal of perfect... and YOU get to choose what is perfect. Every. Single. Time.
Saturday, 1 February 2014
Drink
I have just completed 31 days of not an alcoholic beverage touching my lips.
Its a big thing now, this "Dry January". I haven't done it for charity. I have done it for me and my liver.
I drank my own body weight six times over at Christmas and felt sluggish and weighty when it was all done and decided that in January I was going dry.
I have managed it without hint of an issue and unless you have a drink problem this should be the case, shouldn't it? I mean the charity aspect of "Dry January" - paying for someone not to drink isn't a challenge in itself, is it? Its not something that we should be motivating someone to do daily by paying them. It's not something unusual or daring or amazing. So as a charity deal, I disagree (even if it is for a worthy cause) ....
So, 31 days later I feel better for it.
I love waking up every weekend clear headed and fresh to start the day. I sleep full unbroken nights and I feel better for that too. Who wouldn't?
I even gave up going out with my workies due to not wanting to drink. And I love an occasional knees up with the workies. I know that I wouldn't be able to go out and not drink. I don't know if that makes unusual but who wants to throw shapes on the dance floor stone cold sober...? Not my thing I am afraid... And I cannot tolerate drunk people when I am sober!
My birthday came and went and not a drink did I touch. I usually have a celebratory drink on my birthday even if it is more of a "drowning my sorrows" drink as I hurtle towards the big 4 - 0...
The biggest difference I have noticed is on the bank balance. I wanted to notice a difference to my dry January, so I put the weekly drinking budget into a savings account. Jurgen is decorating the hall, stairs and landing and I need new carpet. So, the weekly deposit into the savings means I can now go out and buy a carpet.
How bad is that? I drink the equivalent of a carpet a month?
That's quite scary.
I could re-carpet my whole house in 6 months of not drinking. That puts a whole different spin on my weekend drinking.
I found there's a misconception in my head that if you have had a stressful week then a nice cold glass of lager on a Friday night will make it all go away. Not really the case because you have to return to your stressful job on Monday and then you have to make it all go away on the Friday night and the cycle starts..... I have coped much better with my stressful job by waking up weekends feeling great.
I have also lost over half a stone in weight.. So this not drinking malarkey is win/win all round...
I am off out tonight to a 70's themed "do". An extended family party in Essex that I am really looking forward to. So, whilst wearing my Farrah Fawcett wig I am going to partake in a drink. It would be rude not to.
But drinking at home when I could buy a carpet? Probably not.
I think the benefits of not drinking far outweigh the benefits of drinking. And for now my goal is to re-carpet my house in 6 months...
Its a big thing now, this "Dry January". I haven't done it for charity. I have done it for me and my liver.
I drank my own body weight six times over at Christmas and felt sluggish and weighty when it was all done and decided that in January I was going dry.
I have managed it without hint of an issue and unless you have a drink problem this should be the case, shouldn't it? I mean the charity aspect of "Dry January" - paying for someone not to drink isn't a challenge in itself, is it? Its not something that we should be motivating someone to do daily by paying them. It's not something unusual or daring or amazing. So as a charity deal, I disagree (even if it is for a worthy cause) ....
So, 31 days later I feel better for it.
I love waking up every weekend clear headed and fresh to start the day. I sleep full unbroken nights and I feel better for that too. Who wouldn't?
I even gave up going out with my workies due to not wanting to drink. And I love an occasional knees up with the workies. I know that I wouldn't be able to go out and not drink. I don't know if that makes unusual but who wants to throw shapes on the dance floor stone cold sober...? Not my thing I am afraid... And I cannot tolerate drunk people when I am sober!
My birthday came and went and not a drink did I touch. I usually have a celebratory drink on my birthday even if it is more of a "drowning my sorrows" drink as I hurtle towards the big 4 - 0...
The biggest difference I have noticed is on the bank balance. I wanted to notice a difference to my dry January, so I put the weekly drinking budget into a savings account. Jurgen is decorating the hall, stairs and landing and I need new carpet. So, the weekly deposit into the savings means I can now go out and buy a carpet.
How bad is that? I drink the equivalent of a carpet a month?
That's quite scary.
I could re-carpet my whole house in 6 months of not drinking. That puts a whole different spin on my weekend drinking.
I found there's a misconception in my head that if you have had a stressful week then a nice cold glass of lager on a Friday night will make it all go away. Not really the case because you have to return to your stressful job on Monday and then you have to make it all go away on the Friday night and the cycle starts..... I have coped much better with my stressful job by waking up weekends feeling great.
I have also lost over half a stone in weight.. So this not drinking malarkey is win/win all round...
I am off out tonight to a 70's themed "do". An extended family party in Essex that I am really looking forward to. So, whilst wearing my Farrah Fawcett wig I am going to partake in a drink. It would be rude not to.
But drinking at home when I could buy a carpet? Probably not.
I think the benefits of not drinking far outweigh the benefits of drinking. And for now my goal is to re-carpet my house in 6 months...
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