It really is with a heavy heart that I have to return to work tomorrow. Not because I don't want to per se, but because I have to leave the children all over again.
It's getting more and more difficult for me to do this. I HAVE to work, that is a given, but I hate having to leave the children.
I have spent a lot of time with them this Easter holiday and again realised how great it is being a mum. Being a family. It is hard to remember this on a day to day level because life gets in the way. And as much as I keep telling myself that I will try harder...again, things get in the way...
It is just the way my life is going to be. My children have all moaned that we are going back to normal tomorrow. I try explaining why I work but they don't care. They just don't.
This got me to thinking....
I save for everything. I save for holidays, I save for Christmas, I save for rainy days, I save beer money to buy carpet, I save coppers, 5p's...the list goes on. I am a saver.
But I don't save to take my children on days out. This is something that we only do when we are away on holiday.
On Mothers Day we went to the Manydown Farm Park thingy and had a really nice day. Usually these things put my right off. Having loads of children tends to put the entrance fee in pricey territory before the food, drink, animal food, extra rides etc etc. The overall price makes me weep and in actual fact I get proper wound up about how expensive everything is...
But I have the money. I save the bloody money. Why don't I use the "rainy day" money? Because pretty much every day is rainy in the south of England.
But here's the thing...
I need a bigger house. We are bursting at the seams here. There is always hustle and bustle and cupboards wedged shut holding all the crap in. The children often collide with each other walking up or down the stairs. It's even getting a bit of a tight squeeze around the dining room table.
If we move then we would have to remortgage. I have a relatively small mortgage currently with 11 years left to pay on it. Which means I will be mortgage free by the time I am 50. I could retire....
But if I move then I would have to borrow double if not triple what I already owe and up the term to 25 years or god forbid 30 years. Why on earth would I want to do that? It would be suicide for me and I don't want to HAVE to work until I am 65.. and Jurgen would be 70. Perish the thought.
And if I did this then I wouldn't have the disposable income I currently have so days out would be out of the question anyway. And savings? I wouldn't be able to save a penny. And my holidays? What about my holidays? I am not sure that I could work day in and day out and not take a holiday...
And really do the children really care if we have a bigger house? When you grow up what memories do you have? Do you have the memory of the days out, the holidays, the time spent with your parents or do you remember that you had your own bedroom? That you had a big kitchen? That you had a separate dining room?
I know I am in a lucky position and not all everyone can afford holidays but this isn't even about that. Its about the time that you spend with your children. Be that a holiday or plonking down in front of the TV, under a duvet and watching back to back movies. Those are the memories that your children will hold dear. Those I the memories I have about my childhood.
So, we are going to stay put, in our massively cramped family home happily bursting at the seams. We are currently building a lodge in the back garden to give us some extra living space. Its not ideal but it's different! And a cheaper alternative to an extension.
And with my savings we have planned a weekend out a month. A weekend out a month for the children. And once we have exhausted all the places that we have on our list, we will start again. From the top.
Because when you are a parent it's ultimately about doing what YOU think is best, for your children.
