Dreams

Its been a whirlwind of a year, hasn't it? And there isn't a person who doesn't reflect back on the year gone by and pick out the good bits and the bad and what they are going to change for the year ahead.

I learn something new every year and I always marvel at what I do learn.  Some mind blowing things, some trivial issues, some things that just make me laugh.  But its learning all the same. 

Here is what I have learned this year. 

• I will never get caught out again at a family court case .  It came totally out of the blue and I was unprepared.  I didn't have enough time to become prepared.  We went in blindly.  I learned that this is never going to happen to me again.   I now have, what I lovingly refer to as a "Portfolio of Bullshit" that I have painstakingly put together.  It does exactly what it says on the tin.  Lets hope that it will never happen again, but if it does...

• Connor is a predictably lazy teenager.  He lives in a sea of unwashed clothes dumped on his bedroom floor.  However, when he is working at TLC Autocentres he becomes a different person.  He works hard and enjoys every minute.  I appreciate more than he, that he isn't always going to work in a job he loves quite so much but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.   But for now I think he is in a good place in life.

• Skye is a hard worker who veers from the path occasionally but responds really well to a sit down and a chat to set her on her way again.  She is working really hard at school and she knows exactly what she wants out of life.  She is amazingly funny with a sharp wit which I love.  She is a stroppy teenager who really really struggles with not having the last word in an argument.  Just like me.  She helps me out so much with the boys, even though sometimes she could kill them all.  She will go far, my girl.  She will. 

• Roman is a quiet, unassuming boy.  He has dreams of becoming a footballer for The Arsenal.  I have already chosen the car I want when his money starts rolling in.  Mattias is a loony tune.  He idolises Roman.  They are the closest of brothers and I love that.  Mattias cries when Roman stays away overnight on a sleepover as he misses him so much.  It melts your heart.  And Baby Arlo - my whirlwind of activity.  He cannot speak sentences yet but is happy to shout the loudest to be heard.  He makes makes me laugh and cry in equal measures. 

• I have to come to terms that my quest for everyone to indicate on a mini roundabout is futile and I need to let it go.  It enrages me that there are so many thoughtless people on our roads but I can't change them.  So, this new year I am letting go.  I will no longer want to follow you and stove your head in if you fail to indicate at a mini roundabout.  I will have to think of something else to take my mind off this perilous thought.  Maybe thinking of a new thing to think about will take my mind off it

• I still, to this day, can't understand how I am not an X Factor winner.  I watch the show sporadically year in and year out.  I listen to myself sing powerful ballads in the shower and think Simon Cowell would be in awe if he heard me.  Its obviously not my path to be a mega successful recording artist and I will have to live with the fact that the world is missing out.

• I drive an automatic car and have done now for two years.  I thought driving a car was like riding a bike and you never forget.  I for one, would like to blow this theory out of the water.  I recently drove a manual and screeched the shit out of it through Basingstoke adding a couple of wheel spins in for good measure.  I was appalling.  I am sticking to my automatic and seriously wonder why there is a need for a manual.  I have become the epitome of lazy driver.  And as an aside, I have not yet messed up the petrol/ diesel thing.  I have both types in my household,  I stand staring between pump and car for a good five minutes before I make my decision just so that I am sure that I get it right.  My heart still skips a beat when the stuff starts flowing just in case I made one of those "not thinking" decisions.  But so far so good. 

There is a lot more I could write but I appreciate that someone of you will want to start on the New Year shenanigans and blogging two posts in two days is overkill even in my eyes.

The most important thing I learn year in year out is how lucky I am.  Lucky to have a good family, good friends and good health. 

We all have bad times, bad years even.  But we can all pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and move on and try really hard to have better times.  I am a believer that you can help steer your own destiny. 

There is no better time in the world than New Years eve to be just a little excited about what the new year holds.   I have a holiday of a lifetime planned  , I want to build a lodge in my back garden, I want to lose the half stone I put on through eating mammoth amounts at Christmas,   I want to drink less and save more money.  But who knows if any of this will happen?  These are my dreams on New Years Eve.  This is what I am hoping for in 2014. 

I wish you all a Happy New Year.  I really do.  Eat, drink and be merry. 

I hope that all of your dreams come true in 2014.  But if they don't.  Pick yourself up,  dust yourself down as there is always the next year, or the year after that....

Jurgen

I blog about things I have an opinion about.  I am good at having an opinion and more often than not my opinion if right.  In my head. 

I used to write for just me.   Then I started to post my blog to Facebook and much to my genuine surprise people seemed to like it.  I then had the fear that I would write to make people like me but found that that's impossible for me, I write what I feel and I just know what to write and when.  I want people to like what I write but it's ok if they don't.

This blog is more of an ode to the one I love.   It wont appeal to all and it will feel like a brag fest to some but its been playing on my mind for a while and when that happens I need to get it down.

This weekend we went to Lymington in the caravan with the children and our neighbours.  We had a lovely couple of days but then the weather turned,  and gale force winds came in and it all became a little bit nasty.

At 4.30am today the wind was so horrific that it took our awning down.  Ripped it almost right off the side of our caravan.   All our things were in there.  Our dog, our food, some clothes, our shoes, the buggy, coats etc etc...

Jurgen heard the awning go and jumped out of bed and he was gone.  I ambled to get some clothes on and followed him.  He was out there in just his t shirt and pants with a giant awning flapping about in hurricane Charlie, trying to save our stuff single handed.  Luckily, like a superhero, our neighbour appeared (fully dressed) and together with Connor, they managed to take the awning down and get the stuff into our car.  All in the cold, wet and dark.

It took them at least half an hour and the weather was atrocious but they didn't complain, not once.

When it was all over and our neighbour had gone,  I  made a cup of tea and we were sat in our bed, with the light on chatting, it suddenly occurred to me what this man would do for me and our family without blinking. 

He just does things like this, on a much smaller scale admittedly, daily.    I don't mean lifesaving, superhuman things.  I just mean considerate things that make my life so much easier and this weekend has made me realise that I  do take it for granted.

He always clears up the toilet business when we go camping.  He traipses all the way to the sluice and gets rid of all of our whatever's and never moans, or asks me to do it. 

He always walks traffic side when we walk along a road, he always holds a door open for me and insists I go first, he always pushes the buggy when we are out, or always pushes the supermarket trolley when we are shopping. 

He appears to always listen to what I say and often surprises me with gifts of things that I have said I like.  He knows how much I love flowers and buys them for me a lot.  He seems to be constantly thinking of me and trying hard, daily, to make me happy.

This Christmas I got far too much.  Embarrassingly so, as his presents to me outweighed mine two to one.  But they were all thoughtful gifts that I had mentioned that I liked or I needed.  He takes great delight, apparently, in giving me things that make me smile.

The thing is this.  He isn't perfect.  FAR FROM IT.

He does bugger all around the house unless I nag until his ears bleed.    He'll take the washing up but not put it away.  He will clean the inside of the toilet, but not the outside.  He hoovers occasionally but only the spot where he has made a mess, not the entire room.  He has no idea what buttons to use on the washing machine.   He gets the children to unload the dishwasher.   His side of the bedroom is a shit hole but he moans like buggery at the children to keep their bedrooms tidy.  He is a mass of lazy hypocrisy but  I adore him. 

He may be housework lazy but he does all my DIY.  He is painfully slow at doing it but if I give him a deadline he generally gets it done.  And soon my entire house is going to be finished. 

He has the most annoying habit of waking me up every time he goes to the toilet overnight,  just to ask if I am ok.  Or to tell me that he loves me.  Or to ask me a questions about work or the likes.  I ask him not to do this because it interrupts my sleep but he continues to do it.   Every night.

He sorts the shit out with the cars and I sort the shit out with the finances. 

This weekend has made me realise that whatever we are doing it works for us.    I think he works far too hard at making me happy because, he obviously doesn't yet realise that I just am.  Happy.  Being with him.

I am not easy to live with and I know that.   But I do know that my day to day life is made so much easier by having Jurgen with me.  And he is a saint for putting up with me. 

And I am fully aware that there are people who's opinions will differ.   I know that.  Of course I do.  But I am still not interested ( I vaguely remember stating that my opinion is more often than not, right.)

So, if you managed to get this far.  Thank you.

I am not an agony aunt.  But  I really hope that you all feel some of  this on a day to day basis.  If you don't then, I dunno, maybe its time for a little rethink. 

Because when you meet a man/ woman who is more than happy to clear up your "whatever's" from the caravan toilet then, in my opinion, you have got it made...




 

Basic

So, on the back end of yesterdays storms,  the never ending power cuts and my fence that is now laying forlornly horizontally in the garden, I realised how much we take "power" for granted...

Last night I arrived home to a completely dark house and bewildered children.  They couldn't quite grasp that no power meant they couldnt watch TV, play Xbox or even turn the light on in the downstairs loo.

I had to think what I could cook by candle light by using the hob alone.  We chose Spaghetti Bolgonese and because the kitchen was the only room with light, everyone sat around the kitchen table whilst I got on with dinner.

We all talked about our day.  My work, Jurgens work.  About the impending visit from Father Christmas.  About Christmasses gone by.  It was really nice.  It made me think how, with Xbox, Playstation, TV and the likes we no longer communicate like this on a day to day basis.

The children including my oldest all then played Hide and Seek.  I laughed as my oldest boy hid in the dark while his younger brothers rushed round looking for him.  He hasn't done this in years.  He is brilliant with my younger children but he is far too busy on Xbox or out playing football to have too much time to spend time with us.  My daughter on the other hand is always entertaining my boys.  Its just what she does best.

We then took the dog for a walk.  We all wrapped up in our coats, hats and gloves and walked in the howling wind and pouring rain.  We got blown to bits and soaking wet.  We got home and the power was back on so I bunged all the wet clothes in the washing machine and the boys went back to their TV.

For a brief while I was really content.   I loved just spending time together with no interuptions.  Its funny because with all the best intentions I am pretty sure that we won't do it again until the next power cut. 

With the run up to Christmas driving me to distraction with shopping, wrapping, presents, counting, more wrapping, more shopping...anyway you get the idea.  It was just nice to put the brakes on and chat to my children. 

I love spending time with them all.  They are all different and unique in their own ways.  Together they are as mad as a box of frogs but its hilarious and I do love to laugh.

As Jurgen & I shut the door on the world for two whole days as Christmas approaches,  I am so excited at just being at home with them all. 

Whatever you are all doing this year, enjoy yourselves.  Enjoy the break from work if you are lucky enough to be at home.  Enjoy work if you are not.  But most of all, those with children, enjoy them.  They grow up so fast and time passes too quickly.  Make memories for them all.  Memories are forever and no one can take them away from you. 

Happy Christmas to you all....