As we come to the end of 2018 I for one am not sorry to say goodbye to the bitch. Its been an horrendous year for me.
In February, Jurgen and I took on the arduous task of owning a new business. We invested a lot of money to ultimately become multi millionaires. It just hasn't happened as quickly as I'd have liked.
Its been the most stressful time of my life, my mental health has taken a battering because of it. My resilience has shot up in my estimation and I'm glad that my resilience is on my side. She's a bloody lovely thing to have. I mean, I'm a mum of five, I've continued to work in my full time role, carried on advising and supporting our business, done VAT returns badly, tackled people who owed us money, not always positively or successfully ( and I'm not proud - but its when your money people are withholding its a whole different ball game). Learned that most successful people usually flaunt their lives on Facebook while owing people a shit tonne of money. Its a challenging place to be right now. And small business is tough. Tougher than I ever imagined,
Although its been a shitty year for me, there have been people along the way that have helped me considerably and a bit like the new years honours list I wanted to mention a few. The interesting thing is they probably don't realise how much they've kept me sane.
At the top of the list and up for a knighthood,has to be Jurgen. Unbelievably he's been the rock in our relationship this year. He's made me feel so much better when all the stresses got too much. We've screamed at each other, agonising over money, work and everything in between. He is truly my better half. Talking to him, screaming, shouting, sobbing, has all happened this year and he listens, holds me when I'm full on snotting everywhere and repeatedly tells me everything is going to be alright. Even if it isn't - I know I've got him going through this with me and I know that with him we can achieve anything and I have to remember that when I'm feeling at my lowest ebb.
Then there's this thing call anxiety. Who knew that was a thing? I've not slept a whole night through since February. I wake up every night worrying about money, and have noticed its twenty billion times worse at 3am, isn't it? I can't think straight, working out how I'm going to pay this, and pay that. How I'm going to pay my bills, pay the wages, pay anything. And the hours I've gone without sleep yet I've not missed one bill. So, I've wasted hours of sleepless nights for no other reason than my new found friend, anxiety. Not sure I'm going to be inviting her to any more parties if I'm honest. Anxiety is like a work colleague, you have to have them in your life but in reality you wouldn't chose them to be there. You have to spend time in their company but they don't make you laugh, despite starting every sentence with "this'll make you laugh...." No, anxiety, it will not. Because in fact, you're an unfunny, dreadful bore.
The strongest of marriages would've been tested this year, with what we've been through. But luckily for me mine is stronger than its ever been. And I know if Jurgen and I can get through this then we're truly invincible. Arise Sir Jurgen.
And then there's Connor and Skye. Both have been equally as supportive in their own ways. Skye running our offices and making sure that everything sorts itself out behind the scenes. She hasn't always got it right but when she doesn't she learns from it and makes it better the next time. Connor - well, I'm astounded , truth be told, about his business acumen. An Alan Sugar in the making. Connor comes up with innovative ideas and suggestions to make our business work better and we've put a few of his processes into place and they all work like gold! Hugely proud of both of them. They both get OBE's.
And my mum. My mum gets a seat in the House of Lords. Because she's been amazing in so many ways that's where she deserves to sit. In the House of Lords. Although she'll forget that I gave her that seat and probably try and plonk down somewhere in the House of Fraser ( see what I did there...)
And my three youngest boys, each deserve a chocolate bar. Just for having to endure all of this with us, while all the while asking if I can take them into town and spend money I no longer have.
And then there's all my work colleagues., All of them, whether my fellow line managers or my bloody amazing team. Just to be out of it all and talk about shit and stuff while we're at work has helped me no end. Just to forget for five minutes. Not one of you realise how much you've helped. And to the colleague who, when we were in crisis, came back for a whole month while leaving her own job and putting it on hold to help us out. Still blows me away. I truly have the best work colleagues and I'm very lucky to know you all.
And then there's Kelly and Lin, my exercise people. I go to Beatz twice a week and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I would've been sectioned if it wasn't for Beatz. I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for just doing what you do. Being the most motivational duo who make me cry with laughter and lose some of my fat. I lost it once at Beatz on a particularly emotional day and had the most epic hug from Kelly that made me feel loads better. I don't think they'll even know what they've both done for me this year. I love them both, and all of my Beatz family who make me laugh every time I go. They've saved me this year, and I'm not sure where I'd be without them.
There are loads more people I could thank. My old school colleagues who met up with me for a beer earlier this year. Communicare colleagues who are still going strong despite us not seeing each other very often. And if I haven't mentioned you personally please know that if you interact with me at all, you've probably helped. And those of you who were our friends but have dropped us like hot rocks now we're not doing all we can for YOU... its your loss, not mine.
In the world of social media where everyone is living this marvellous life I've hardly posted this year because it been the toughest. And no one wants to read that shit. I'm not sure where 2019 will take me and my family. Its uncertain times for us but what I do know is that we'll do it together. I'm not a quitter and I work hard to do everything I do do, well. So, my business may fold, it may become the most successful small business of the century I hope its the latter and I'll work hard to make sure it is.
Happy New Year to you all. I genuinely hope that 2019 is the best year for all of us and we can laugh over out cocktails on a Carribean beach next New Year.
And here's my tip of the year. If you're looking to start your own business and have all positive inspirational ideas. Don't fucking bother. Seriously. Its a long hard road and you have to be almost superhuman to endure it. I once thought I was Wonder Woman - now I'm lucky to pass as Blunder Woman.
Much love.
