Perfect

Its Valentines day.  Also my wedding anniversary.  6 years ago today I was married on an exotic beach in Mauritius.  With a bloke in my line of vision wearing tight speedo's...


This morning Skye gave us an anniversary card which read


"To Jurgen and mum
Congratulations on another year of perfect marriage
Love Always Skye"


I was really touched by this.  And it struck a chord.  .


I suddenly realised that its important, isn't it?  It's important that your children realise that there is a right way to have a relationship.


When I was growing up I was in awe of my mum and dad.  Their relationship was the epitome of normal to me.  They both worked really hard,  had no social life to speak of but saved hard and took us on foreign holidays every year.  I don't think you realise as a child that you shape your thoughts around your future on what you know as a child.


I always wanted what my mum and dad had. The closeness, the intimacy, the friendship.   But I never had that with my first husband.  (And these comments are not an injustice to him as anyone who knows me knows that we were good mates when he died.   We tried, but we were just not suited that way.)


But now?  I have all that.  Jurgen is my best friend.   We are really good friends.   We work hard, save hard, we don't party hard and we are fortunate enough to go on holiday most years.


We are really "family" orientated and think nothing is better than a walk with the children and the dog up the farm on the weekend.   As long as we are all together. 


We start a Monday morning telling each other we can't wait for the weekend when we can spend some time together.  Its how our lives are.  And I finally have what I have always wanted.  And now my children realise that this is good.  This is how it SHOULD be and this is what I want them to aspire to have.


I have been told that I am blind to Jurgen's faults.  And there is nothing worse than those who are too blind to see.    I have (embarrassingly)  been psycho analysed to tell me that everything I have is based on a lie. 


I am not stupid.  I am not blind.  I have never been more perfectly sighted. 


He treats me like a princess, even when the majority of the time I am a pain in the arse to be married to.  I am moody, opinionated, always right.... the list goes on.  But he is the other half of me.  He calms me when I am angry.  He listens to me when I need him to.  He advises me when I can't work it out for myself.  He comforts me when I am sad and reasons with me when I am shouty.  He knows me like no other and he can finish my sentences for me.


He also has massive bunches of red roses delivered to my work to remind me that he loves me. 


We argue.  Of course we do.  But its not punchy, fighty arguments.  It may be shouty but that's usually my big gob.  But there is no abuse.  No violence.   There is nothing that I do not want my children to see.   Its just how we are.


Skye is my only daughter and protectively I want to shield her from every arsehole out there.  And I am sure there are many.   But there are also the good guys.  There are also the ones who want to give you everything and make sure that your life is happy.


But, after a shaky start, I want her to see that you shouldn't settle.  You shouldn't be anything but a princess (prince) in the eyes of your other half.  And if they treat you any less then kick their arse out.  And if you are the one that leaves, that doesn't mean its because you are the victim.  It means that you realise, that together,  you are equally as shit as each other. 


I am sure that my marriage isn't everyone's idea of "perfect".  I am sure that there are many that think we are too clingy.  That we don't have our own freedoms.  That we need to "get out more".  But that it fine. 


Because it's PERFECT for me.  And if I teach my daughter anything.  Its to never settle for anything less than your ideal of perfect... and YOU get to choose what is perfect.  Every. Single. Time.