Luck

I have never thought myself to be particularly lucky.  I am adverse to buying raffle tickets because I know that I won't win.  Even if it is a tin of "savers" beans.  They won't end up belonging to me.

Luck.  It's a funny thing, isn't it?

My childhood was great.  End of.  My dad passed away when I was 14 which was utterly devastating.  That was unlucky.   But my lovely mum picked it up, turned it around and the rest of my childhood and early adult years were great.

When I was 19 I met Jurgen.  We had danced together in Martines numerous times.  We then spent a night afterwards, chatting about everything and anything and I KNEW we had a connection.  However, for reasons that are unexplained I never took his follow up phone calls and I married someone else.  As did he.  Twice.  The dickhead.     That was unlucky.   For both of us.  But more for him than me. 

I went on to have  Connor and Skye, respectfully,  from the biggest, most loveable knob end to grace this planet.  I am lucky to have them.  Very lucky.

Jurgen  runs his own business.  He has been working consistently for three years.  Quite successfully,  and he has had consistent work for yonks.  That's lucky.

I was asked to apply for another job when Communicare came to an end, and I was  lucky to land my current job, which I love with all amounts of equal emotions.   I have found my new niche.  It pains me as much as it thrills me.  It's the best job.  It suits me and I would never have applied for it had it not been for the demise of Communicare.  And now I cannot see me doing anything else.

I have had further luck.  We were taken to the family court this April.  I genuinely thought our luck was going to run out.  We had little time to fight the ludicrous, vicious claims or get legal representation of our own.  To avoid  BORING you to within an inch of your life, Jurgen's ex didn't continue to pursue an absurd Non molestation order as long as Jurgen agreed to joint residency for her and her new partner (no longer sure if they're married)  and agreed for the children to have passports.   We would have agreed to this without going to court.  Who wouldn't want to give the opportunity for their children to be safe and secure within their family and travel and see the world?  Remarkably and luckily for us it cost us NOTHING (except for a celebratory Mexican meal (and beer for me) afterwards) but  it must have cost her a small bloody fortune to take us to court.  I would have been furious if I had paid for legal representation for that debacle.  Seriously.   And we got bloody brilliant free legal advice from HER solicitor too for free.  Free.  Didn't cost me a penny.  My luck appeared to be endless...

I have five, beautiful healthy children.  I am really lucky to have a genuinely brilliant husband.  I drive nice cars (in my opinion).  I have a nice (to me)  house.  I have a undisputable fab job.  I have seen loads of the world,  Hawaii being the most awesome.  I am not any where near £43,500 in debt.   I am currently lucky...

But I wouldn't win a tin of beans in a raffle?

I often have concerns that my luck is due to run out....is that how it works?

It is a thought that I am far too familiar with...

What if we are all entitled to a little bit of luck but when your's runs out....it's a decline into shit ville.

What if "luck" is classed as trivial as your car will no longer routinely pass its MOT? 
Or that your gas central heating will no longer function routinely, every year...
Or that you need to fight an NMO in court....

I have everything now.  The happy children.  The husband who wants me to be happy but is also happy with me.  Who texts me 20 times a day to tell me he loves me.  Who phones me endlessly daily, to chat and catch up,  Who tells me that after 8 years he is as excited now as he was when we first met about spending the weekend together.  Who cleans out kitchen cupboards to make more room for the cereal I have overbought...

I may not be lottery winning lucky but I am proper lucky...

But is that the natural course of events?  Can luck be eternal?    Can you have copious amounts of good luck and never have to experience bad luck?

I cycle, often.  I put the world to rights on my bike rides.  I think about my children, my husband, our health, our family, our material possessions, our jobs.

Its all good.

But for how long? 

I chatted about this with Jurgen, when we were laughing, recently,  about the family court case.  We have ridden on the Hawaii 5 - 0 wave of luck for long enough...  but then we discuss our pasts and realise that we have both had enough bad luck for a lifetime and maybe it is our time for good luck and it will be endless...

I don't know how long we will ride this crest of  a wave. 

I think often that I am due for some crap to fall in my lap,  and then something good happens to me and I am confused all over again.

Do you make your own luck?  Are you destined for luck?

Bloody hell, it makes my head hurt.  But if you are riding that wave.  Continue.  Ride it like you are the best surfer this side of St Ives.  Ride it until it grabs you and spits you out with the surf.

It could be never ending.  It could be that it will last 3 minutes and then find someone else to pick up and spit out.

Its scary.  Its true.  But it's luck,  And no one know's how long your luck will last....